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Lovely Diane was the object of a highschool junior's worship and she agreed to let him drive her home from school one brilliant June day. He strode haughtily across the parking lot and felt the envious eyes of many as he held the passenger door to his humble car (which was nearly as old as he was) open for her.
Beneath his giddy hormonal glow something felt vaguely wrong, but whatever it was, he could deal with it later. Things now looked promising enough with only a few days left of the school year. He clicked his heels in Charlie Chaplin fashion while rounding the back of the car, and calculated that he didn't even need to score with this beauty. Even better, that everyone in front of school was witnessing him giving her a ride home.
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Then, in front of dozens, nay THOUSANDS of classmates waiting on the front steps of campus for their rides home, his proud delight shifted to profound despair in the time it took the humble 1974 Honda Civic to shift gears from 2nd to 3rd: a thump and a flutter were heard and the young junior watched his term paper on John Steinbeck in the rearview mirror, now a billowing wake of hilarious white behind the shabby little car.
"What was that?", asked Lovely Diane.
"I... didn't hear anything..." he replied limply.
Many people would consider seeing one's future a great gift, but what he saw was his own preserved virginity smiling back at him from years ahead.
And he drove on slowly with a sigh.
Please email me if you know a Joe Beeson who used to be an English teacher. He deserves an explanation for not receiving that term paper.
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